Saturday, 28 December 2013

Single Room Supplements


During a recent holiday where I met several other single people the subject of single room supplements came up for discussion.  When doesn't it when holidaying singles get together?  It is a decades old gripe.
In Europe where hotels have single rooms (at least half the size of a double), no bath and invariably no balcony and in the most undesirable locations it is difficult to understand why we should pay more than a couple.  These small rooms are usually 'space fillers' in the building and often found near the lifts, over the kitchen, over the dustbin area (in some countries the dustbins are emptied at night!) or over the staff entrance (some starting work at 5.00 a.m. and now the area where the staff go for a smoke).
Many years ago when I was working in tourism I dealt with hotel/tour operator contracts and discovered that the hotelier charges the tour operator half the cost of a double room for these singles.  So why the single room supplement?  We are told because they are at a premium.
FREE CHILD PLACES.  How many times do you see that in holiday brochures?  Who pays for the 'free' child's flight?  No prizes from where the tour operators get that money.
NO SINGLE ROOM SUPPLEMENT.  True - but look at the dates.  Out of season for the weeks that are difficult to sell.  Think about people who cannot take their holidays then, such as teachers.
Another catch with this phrase is that the single room supplement is included in the price.  These days some tour operators issue special Singles brochures.  Check the prices with the regular brochure and often the Singles price is higher than the normal price.
WE DON'T CHARGE SINGLE ROOM SUPPLEMENTS.  Probably means that everybody is being over-charged!
My advice?  When the hotel isn't full speak nicely with Reception and ask for a double room instead of the closet sized space.  Make sure you have your receipt showing that you've paid the single room supplement.  The majority of hotels are sympathetic and will give you a decent sized room.
AMERCAN  PLAN ROOMS.  These are hotels that don't have single rooms but charge for the room rather than per person.  You can see where the single room supplement comes in can't you?  But why, when you're one person, using one bed and one set of towels and one person's supply of water should you pay for a room that can take two or more people?   
As a single have you ever taken a cruise?  Yup, almost twice the price.  Why?  A single person only eats one person's food (and on a cruise that has to be a BIG saving). 

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Bellver Castle, Palma, Mallorca


Whether you are sailing into Palma or strolling along the promenade called Paseo Maritimo, two buildings dominate the view.  The Cathedral and Bellver Castle, which face each other across the Inner Harbour.

The circular castle with its prominent Keep stands proudly above the City, surrounded by Bellver Woods.  Like all good castles, it is on a hill so, unless you have strong legs and can climb the hill, to reach it you need either a car, a taxi or the hop-on-hop-off tour bus.

Built in the 14th c. by King James II of Mallorca Bellver is one of the most original buildings in the island's history.  It is made of sandstone and is circular with a central courtyard surrounded by 21 arches.  The floor above has 42 arches.  The four large towers face the points of the compass with the Keep (facing north) which is set off to one side.  Several Spanish monarchs have stayed at the castle, including Queen Isabella II, Alfonso XII and Alfonso XIII.  King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia have also visited it.

During the 18th and 19th centuries the castle was a prison and, during the Spanish Civil War more than 800 republicans (supporters of the lawfully elected democratic government) were imprisoned here.  Now it houses museums including the Palma History Museum and the Despuig Collection of Classical Sculptures.

On the ground floor is the history museum and a Projection Room which is used for education purposes.  The upper story has the Chapel, the oratory of which is dedicated to St. Mark.  The presbytery floor has the original tiles in a green geometric design.

The next room is dedicated to the Spanish Justice Minister, Gaspar Melchor de Jovellanos who was imprisoned at the castle during the reign of Carlos IV (early 19th c).   This is the room that Jovellanos occupied as testified by a memorial tablet and bust.  In the Royal Chamber there are two paintings, one of Jaime I and the other of Jaime III, as well as a throne.

In the late 18th and early 19th centuries Cardinal Antoni Despuig y Dameto collection Roman sculptures and tablets.  One of the rooms on this upper floor contains them and they are gorgeous. 

The last room was the kitchen which originally had a fireplace in the centre - space that is now covered with a model of the castle and park.

I suspect that many people visit Bellver Castle for one reason only - to see the views from the 'Upper terrace' and the Keep.  As the Keep has a narrow spiral staircase of 118 steps I didn't go up but I did stroll around the terrace to admire the views.  Apart from the City itself, the hill town of Genova can be seen to the north while to the west the view is towards Cala Mayor and St. Augustin.

Amazingly, despite having once lived in Mallorca, I had never before had the opportunity to visit this fascinating castle. 


Friday, 15 November 2013

Tobogganing in Madeira


As a child I never tried sliding down the stairs on a tray but I would imagine the sensation was similar to sitting in a laundry basket charging down a hill. Actually it was a wickerwork toboggan in Madeira.  Exhilarating and just a little nerve racking.  Especially when coming to a bend, when the two "guides" manoeuvred the toboggan so that we were at an angle as we cornered. Or when we were approaching a crossroad and wondering if we would stop. We did. We were then pulled across the flat section and set off again down the last hill. I wouldn't have missed the mile long experience for anything.

Everywhere on the island there are hills so the residents don't need gyms to keep fit.  They are all natural mountaineers as their houses seem to be either on top or halfway down the hills with vast flights of steps needed to reach them. 

The scenery is spectacular and the scents that surround you are fantastic.  As you drive through forests of eucalyptus trees you can feel your sinuses clearing.  And everywhere there seem to be flowers such as hibiscus from palest pink through to flame, the elegant cream trumpets of the datura, and agapanthus. A bus journey from just outside Funchal into the city reveals riots of purple and crimson bougainvillea, a plethora of pyrostegia (a climber with a mass of clear orange blooms popularly known as Golden Shower), stately strelitza, red plastic looking anthuriums and, wherever they can get a foothold, nasturtiums. These riot everywhere, including tumbling down the walls of the gorges.
 
Colourful orchid
Wickerwork is a big industry on the island. Like the exquisite embroidery, it was introduced in the early 19th century. The willows were imported from Portugal and can be seen in the east of the island and, like the embroidery and knitting, it is a cottage industry.  Wherever you go in Madeira you will see examples of the canework, be it hotel furniture, baskets in the market - or the toboggans.
 Having mentioned the hills I'm sure you don't need reminding to take comfortable walking shoes.  Also wise to wear them in Funchal and some towns and villages where there are cobblestones. Not the greatest things for walking on.

Bus services are plentiful and all start in Funchal. No matter where you want to go: the Botanical Gardens, Blandys Gardens, Camara do Lobos - the small fishing village much painted by Sir Winston Churchill, anywhere around Funchal or up into the hills to Monte to take a toboggan ride.
Red Hot Pokers

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Ybor City in Tampa, Florida


Ybor City with its cosmopolitan shops and restaurants is a fascinating corner of Tampa.  It is named after its founder, Vicente Martinez Ybor.  In the 19th century there were revolutionary movements in Cuba because people wanted independence from Spain.  Some moved to the USA, including cigar makers who moved to Key West or to New York.  Ybor and a couple of others moved to Tampa in 1885. 

Ybor adopted the English Victorian mill owners’ idea of building homes for his workers.  In 9th Avenue, just a short walk from the Ybor City Museum, are three of these wooden casitas, which are about a hundred years old.  They sit demurely in a row with steps up to the verandas - you can imagine people sitting there in the evening chatting to passing friends.


There are windows either side of the door which leads straight into the living room.  This is complete with furniture of the time, including some Cuban pieces.  Don’t be surprised to see a stove, it can get quite cold in Florida in the winter.  In one corner, to the left of the front door is a love-seat.  This is where the daughter of the house could sit with her boyfriend – in full view of the rest of the family.  If there was more than one daughter I expect they had to take it in turns!

Behind the living room is the main bedroom - the bed having a mosquito net.  Then there is the nursery with some wooden, hand-made toys.  At the back of the house is the kitchen, complete with a dining area in the corner.  I’ll bet it was hot in there when the lady of the house was cooking.

Ybor City grew quickly with the arrival of more Spaniards, Cubans and Afro-Cubans. Italians came from Sicily to work in the cigar factories, Germans built box factories and became the designers of the cigar labels and boxes.  Other Italians arrived, some of whom grew vegetables, had dairies or opened the grocery stores.  There were also Jews from Romania, who were bankers or shopkeepers.

And there was no racial strife.  They all mixed well together and had their own clubs which provided a full social life and, for a small sum, they also provided medical care for their members. 


The Ybor City Museum, where you can learn all about Ybor’s development, is in the 1923 Ferlita Bakery building. To visit La Casita, you have to go there to get your ticket and meet your guide.  

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Isle of Man Travel Passes

Couldn't resist photographing this calf
When visiting the Isle of Man you don’t need a car because the public transport system is pretty fantastic.  Everything from modern day buses to steam trains.  In fact, steam train fanatics love the island.  The easiest (and cheapest) way to cope with the various fares is to buy an Explorer Pass.  These are available for various lengths of stay and can be used on all public transport. They can be purchased from the tourist offices at the air- and sea-ports.  If you want to use one of the privately owned trains then you have to pay – usually a nominal amount.
 


So what transport is there apart from the buses?  Along the seafront in Douglas are the Horse Drawn trams and for those of you worried about the horses, don’t be.  They are very well cared for and you can visit them in the stables.  They do a round trip then are taken to the stables for a rest.  On retirement they go to Home of Rest for Old Horses and, yes, you can go and visit them there.

The Electric Railway which began in 1893 runs seventeen miles between Douglas and Ramsey through the most fantastic scenery along the east coast.  Everything from craggy cliffs to gorse topped hills and green glens.  Like the Snaefell railway the carriages are historic and usually consist of two coaches, one covered and one open.  Incidentally, this is the longest vintage railway system in the U.K.  I should clarify that the Electric Railway is actually a tramway and the design of the trams was based on American ones of that era.
 
The Isle of Man Steam railway was formed in 1873 and puffs along between Douglas and Port Erin, a journey of approximately one hour.  The engines are so sweet – sort of baby sized.  Among the stops en route is Castletown, the original capital of the Island.  There are other stops but they are ‘request’ stops.

Port Erin is a picturesque corner of the island, was once a smugglers harbour and later a Victorian resort.


To ‘do’ the Isle of Man by public transport probably takes about two weeks but, if you don’t have two weeks to spare, you do have a good excuse to make return visits.  It really is worth the effort.

Snaefell and Laxey, Isle of Man


Anyone who is a fan of the BBC programme ‘Coast’ and presenter Neil Oliver will remember his comment ‘Could be a car park in Croydon’ as he stood in the clouds at the top of Snaefell, which at 2,036ft it is the highest point of the Isle of Man.  (It is said that on a clear day you can also see England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.)

When our train reached the summit – or thereabouts – we had a Neil Oliver moment.  Time for a cup of coffee (or tea or something stronger) before the return journey.  Luckily by the time I’d finished my coffee the clouds had passed and we could see the views.  It was weird standing in the shade and looking down at the sun drenched fields and sea.

A Snaefell Railway Carriage
The journey up Snaefell is by historic train from Laxey.  The first one to scale the heights was in 1895 and I should warn you that the trains are no more comfortable now than then – wooden seats.  Hardly surprising as the carriages are either Victorian or Edwardian. 

Not long after we pulled out from Laxey Station the Laxey Wheel came into sight and the driver stopped to let us take photos.  Then we settled down to enjoy the scenery.  Farmland with small fields looking like patchwork.  The polka-dots are grazing sheep.  As the train climbs higher the scenery begins to change to moorland with rocky outcrops.

In the far distance - England
You can leave the train at the Bungalow Station and climb the rest or, like most of us, stay on the train to the top.  Incidentally, the café also serves meals so you can spend some leisure time up there, take a walk and catch a later train back down.

'Lady Isabella' - the Great Laxey Wheel

Laxey can be reached from Douglas and Ramsey by the Electric Railway.   This is where ‘Lady Isabella’ is located.  In other words, the Great Laxey Wheel – that huge much photographed red wheel.  It is the largest working water wheel in the world and the strong of leg can climb the spiral staircase to the viewing platform.  There is also the chance to explore the restored mine shaft.  In 1999 restoration of the former tramway began and it is now possible to ride in a tiny carriage beneath the main Laxey to Ramsey road and the Manx Electric Railway through the longest railway tunnel on the island.

Laxey has two distinct parts, the lower section ‘Old Laxey’ is down on the coast and has a very picturesque harbour and beach.  Plus a promenade along which to stroll.

Good walking shoes are a great help when discovering the Isle of Man!



The sun did shine!

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Astoria - a Pretty Coastal Town in Oregon


The Astoria Column

Think Astoria and you usually add Waldorf in front of it – as in the Waldorf Astoria Hotel.   And this town was named for the fur trader John Jacob Astor.  At first glance from the cruise ship it looked like a collection of pretty coloured dolls houses decorating the hillside.  Interspersed with the deep green of pine trees. 

The first recorded visitors to this area were the American explorers Lewis and Clark and their party of explorers who built Fort Clatsop (named for the local Clatsop Indian Tribe) as somewhere to spend the winter of 1805/6.  The reason for their visit was because President Thomas Jefferson wanted to know if there was a river route to the Pacific Ocean.  The group left Pittsburgh on 31 August 1803 and reached the Pacific in November 1805 by following the Columbia River.   


A replica of the fort is situated just outside the town - a wooden structure with hand-hewn wooden bunks – which look most uncomfortable – tables, benches and chairs.  To add to the atmosphere park rangers are appropriately costumed and re-enact the life of the Corps of Discovery.

In 1811 John Jacob Astor, the New York financier, sent fur traders to the same area to set up a trading post.  It was they who built Fort Astoria.  Since then the town has grown around it and, literally, climbed the hills where, on top of Coxcomb Hill, is the Astoria Column.  All 38 metres of it. It was built in 1926 and is decorated with scenes showing the history of the area.

The views from the top of the hill are breathtaking.  Green hills and fields, trees of various shades from the almost black of the fir trees to the paler greens of deciduous trees.  And, winding through the landscape, the mighty Columbia River. The really strong of leg can get even better views by climbing up the 164 steps inside the column to the viewing platform at the top.

Along River Walk are shops and restaurants, Pier 11 (once a warehouse) now has shops and restaurants inside.  The 14th Street Ferry Dock has displays about the river, especially of the Columbia Bar which, long ago, was a dangerous place for shipping and, of course, there are some museums.

Don’t be surprised if Astoria looks familiar.  This is a photogenic town that has been used in many films.  ‘Kindergarten Cop’, ‘Teenage Ninja Turtles III’, ‘The Ring II’ and ‘Free Willy’ (Parts I and II) were all filmed here.

Astoria is a stop for cruise liners when relocating to or from Alaska, but if you want to spend some time here, there are some hotels.

Sunday, 21 July 2013

Apsley House, Hyde Park Corner


As you stand on the pavement at Hyde Park Corner and watch the traffic hurtle around the square it is difficult to imagine that this was once the edge of London Town.  Go and look at the address of the large house on the corner of Park Lane.  No. 1 London.  That is the address of Apsley House, the London home of the Dukes of Wellington.  The first incumbent of that title being, of course, the great Commander who defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo.


Apsley, with its Regency interior, is probably the only town house still existing intact in London.  Built in the late 18th century for the second Earl of Bathurst it was later purchased by the Marquess Wellesley.  Brother of the Duke of Wellington.  The Duke bought the house from his brother in 1817 and proceeded to have work carried out on the Robert Adam building by Benjamin Dean Wyatt. 

Wyatt added two large bays on the western side – including the picture gallery – and added a Corinthian portico to the front.  The whole structure was then encased in Bath stone. 

The staircase from the inner hall winds around the wall, above which is a glass dome.  The balustrade is a pretty white and gold iron confection while at the bottom of the staircase is an 11ft. statue by Canova.  It is of Napoleon, who ordered it to be made but once it was finished he rejected it.  Maybe he didn’t like the fact that the small statue of Victory in his right hand has her back to him.  Prophecy?


The prettiest room is the Piccadilly Drawing Room, with its yellow walls, white and gold ceiling and friezes by Robert Adam and a magnificent crystal chandelier.  At one end is an apse, in which there is a large mirror which reflects and doubles the beauty of the room.

The Waterloo Gallery is breathtaking.  There is a huge crystal chandelier depending from the central dome and the white and gold ceiling incorporates the badge and collar of the Order of the Garter.  With the gilt cornices above the doors and windows and the gold of the ceiling this room must look splendid at night.  Especially as the windows are fitted with sliding mirrors making the room resemble the Galerie de Glaces at Versailles. 

The room is now a picture gallery with many paintings by artists such as Rubens, Van Dyck, Goya and Valezquez on display.  The first Duke once had as many as 130 in here, but that was overdoing it somewhat.  The excess paintings are divided between the other rooms, making it much easier to appreciate them. 

I always think that the Plate and China Room should be left to last as it is stuffed full of fantastic items.  Sevres porcelain, silver and gold, statues, plaques, snuff boxes and the magnificent Egyptian Service by Sevres.  The centerpiece of this is the entrance to the Temple of Karnak.  Above the fireplace are ten of the Duke of Wellington’s batons – some British and others presented to him by other European countries. The whole lot is mind-blowing.

The Wellington Arch, Hyde Park Corner

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Exeter's Woollen Trail


River Exe at Cricklepit Bridge
In the 16th and 17th centuries one of Devon’s main products was wool.  This was in the form of cloth which was finished on Exe Island in Exeter and shipped from there to France, Spain, Portugal and Holland. That was until the Napoleonic wars and the advent of woollen mills in the north of England.

Whilst in Exeter I took myself on the self-guided walk of the Woollen Trail.  Starting at the Guildhall I strolled down the High Street to find Mint Lane which leads to St. Nicholas’ Priory.  Built nearly 1,000 years ago as a Benedictine Monastery, the priory was partly destroyed during the Dissolution.  Some of this building has also been home to two of the city’s prominent wool merchants.

Turning about I returned to the High Street/Fore Street, then it was a right turn to find Tucker’s Hall.  This is where the Clothworkers Guild met to the discuss the quality of workmanship and apprenticeships.  The gates are fascinating – the tools of the trade are in the ironwork.


The Old Bridge
Back to Fore Street and the New Bridge from where you can see the remains of the Old Exe Bridge.  The first bridge built there was in 1200 and it was this bridge that packhorses and horse-drawn carts used to access the town.



Cricklepit Mill
Exe Island isn’t really an island, but a section of land that juts out into the River Exe.  Once upon a time it was an industrial area with mills, fulling stocks, cloth drying sheds and racks.  Apparently the noise was horrendous as heavy hammers pounded the newly dyed cloth.  Cricklepit Mill is located here and was one of the water mills used to supply the necessary water.


Custom House and coffee shop
The walk continues along Commercial Road to the Quays but I cut through between the buildings to find Cricklepit Bridge over the now peaceful river and spent time watching the swans.  Then I headed for the Quays, a sit down and a cup of coffee.  It was a lovely morning as I sat outside the small coffee shop beside the Custom House.


There are two other self-guided walks – the Exeter Medieval Trail and The City Wall.  Leaflets can be picked up at the Exeter Visitor Information Centre which is near the bus station on Paris Street.

Friday, 28 June 2013

Altan Ha and the River Wallace in Belize


Along with Mexico and Guatamala (its neighbours), Belize was once a part of the Mayan nation.  Many people assume that Mayan’s no longer exist.  Not true – their descendents are thriving.  Admittedly some have intermarried with other races.  In Belize as well as Maya there are the Mestizo who are a mix of Maya and Spanish. The drive to the ancient Maya city of Altan Ha from Belize City was rather bumpy but we did arrive safely.  The complex is large with two plazas containing thirteen structures, some of which were temples.  Not all of the ruins have yet been excavated so it is possible to look ‘around the back’ to see grass and brush covered buildings.

It was here that Professor David Pendergast of the Royal Ontario Museum discovered the jade head of the sun god Kinich Ahau.  Excavations began in 1965 when it was realised that Altan Ha had been a trading centre.  As well as the jade head, at least 250 buildings were found in this area.  The head was one of several jade treasures discovered in the Temple of the Green Tomb.  Other pieces included beads, earrings and rings.  The head itself is the largest piece of jade carving found in any of these Maya countries.  Weighing in at four kilos it is nearly 15 centimetres tall.  It is now at the Department of Archaeology in Belmopan. 

Having strolled around the ruins and renovated structures in the two plazas it was time to clamber up the modern wooden staircase to reach the top of one of the pyramids the better to survey the scene. 

From Altan Ha we drove south on the Northern Highway to visit the village of Barrel Broom where we had lunch then boarded the boat for a cruise down the Wallace River.  Or perhaps I should call it the Belize River. 

There are differences of opinion as to how Belize got its name in 1973 after being British Honduras.  One theory is that it is corruption of Wallis – pronounced Wahleez – after the pirate, Peter Wallace. 

So to the cruise down the Wallace/Belize River which was fascinating and exciting with loads of crocodiles enjoying the sun.  We could just about see the Howler monkeys up in the trees as were some of the iguanas.  These are Green Iguanas except that, because it was the mating season, the males were bright orange – to attract the females, of course.   There were also plenty of small colourful birds which didn’t stay still for long enough to identify.  Once out of the river and into the bay the engine was shut down and we indulged in a little Manatee watching.  All you actually see is the mouth popping up out of the water as they breathe, then it was back to our cruise ship. 



By the way, ladies, if offered a drink of Coconut Wine be very, very careful.  Its nickname is ‘Panty Ripper’.

Monday, 10 June 2013

The Lasithi Plateau


The  most famous country visit in this eastern part of Crete is the Lassithi Plateau - actually a flat floored valley.

Our first view of the plateau was from the pass at Seli Ambelou with the ruined stone windmills above the road.  Down on the plain are several small communities dotted about the verdant patchwork of farmland, apple and cherry orchards and vineyards.  Here they also grow vegetables and grain and the small dots of white in the meadows turned out to be sheep.

The road leads down into the valley and round to Psyhro on the southern edge.  Here we parked so that those with strong legs could follow the footpath up to the Dictean Cave where Zeus was fabled to have been born.  Incidentally, for those who cannot do the climb but are really anxious to see the cave there are some donkeys to take you up - at a price, of course.

The rest of us either looked around the souvenir shops and took photos of the valley or sat at one of the cafes and drank freshly squeezed orange juice.
The remains of the old stone windmills


Our late lunch break was at the restaurant at the Seli Ambelou Pass.  It was lovely to sit outside looking over the valley while we ate and discussed the tour.  I was with some people from another hotel (different resort) and realized that I would have had a much better holiday if I had stayed there.

Something the Lasithi Plateau was famous for was its windmills.  A few have been preserved but most are derelict and others merely decorative.

Between the beautiful countryside and the heart-stopping mountain passes this was a fabulous day out - and we were lucky enough to have our favourite guide.


One of many vineyards in the valley

The Cretan Countryside

The distant mountains almost seem to be blue.


 Having chosen the wrong resort in which to spend my holiday, it was a great relief to take excursions into the beautiful countryside with its varied scenery.  The coastline has, of course, its beaches, coves and rocks and, away from the tourist centres, there are delightful villages and small towns to explore. Inland are the mountains (still a little snow on the tops in May!), tree clad hills and valleys.  Some of the towns and villages still have cobbled streets but all have their churches and town square with bars which is where, on Sundays, the men gossip while the women go to church to pray for them.  At least, that is what our guide told us!

To reach the true Cretan  countryside you have to cross the mountains from where the views are fantastic.  Behind us was the shoreline stretching from Hersonissos to Malia with the sun sparkling off the blue water.  Over the top of the pass the scenery dramatically changes.  Olive groves and vineyards, farms and market gardens.  The mountain slopes are decorated with scrub and pine trees and the vistas seem to stretch into infinity.

We stopped off to visit a potter who, in the space of about two minutes created an enormous jug.  Then took a look at his outdoor kiln and wandered in to inspect another studio where he makes smaller items and, of course, roamed the souvenir shop.  Yes, there were some beautiful things that almost tempted me but I long ago decided that I don't need any more  souvenirs.

Following that break we visited a winery - as I've visited more of these than I care to remember, I'm afraid the details of this one escape me.  I do remember using the time viewing a video about the company and the processes as an ideal time for a cat nap.  Fortunately I was awake for the  comedic part of the film - about Raki.  We were told that when offered a glass you should never refuse it.  I guess the camerman hadn't as the pictures, instead of being upright they were lopsided.  What I once heard referred to as 'skew-whiff'.  Definitely skewed - slewed.

Of course there was some wine tasting. What was the wine like?  Not being a wine buff I can only say that they weren't really to my liking.


All in all it was a very pleasant afternoon out made all the better by having a super guide - with a sense of humour.  He brought the story of Zeus into the 21st century by telling us that Zeus left Hera (his wife) and took off in his 'cloud Ferrari', then met Europa. As he really fancied her he called Hera on his mobile to say he'd be away for a while.

Foller that!